Marriage Counseling
Do you feel like your marriage isn’t what you expected it to be? Maybe you’ve found a side of your partner you’re not too happy to discover. Marriage throws people into difficult situations, and not every relationship walks out stronger than ever. Marriages aren’t easy. They require hard work, consistency, empathy, and a fair amount of emotional intelligence to survive. But if your marriage is worth saving, it might not be a bad idea to have a third person, a professional, listen to your problems and offer some advice. If you loved your partner enough to marry them in the first place, then they probably have great qualities. Qualities that make the two of you compatible and happy. Isn’t that worth fighting for? This article will tell you what you can expect from typical marriage counseling and what it can offer you. This article will tell you what you can expect from typical marriage counseling and what it can offer you.
Is My Marriage Over?
Maybe you’ve run into a problem you don’t know how to fix on your own. Maybe the people around you, your friends and family, aren’t equipped to offer you advice on this particular problem. There are some problems that just can’t be solved by talking to loved ones, after all. A couples counselor can be the perfect stranger to give you advice. By being a stranger, they can understand your problems with more objectivity and can see problems and solutions you or the people around you could never even imagine. A counselor is often trained in mediation and conflict management — which are incredibly important tools — and can help you navigate through tricky conversations you want to have with your partner. Many couples want to make their relationship work. They know where they want to be, but they just don’t know how to get where they want to go. In these situations, counselors can be the perfect mediators that can listen to each of you without assumptions or prejudices. They can identify the problems and blind spots one or both of you are suffering from and offer simple exercises to help both of you talk it out without anyone getting hurt. A counselor can strengthen communication, which is critical in any marriage. They can do this by fixing bad habits such as interrupting your partner, talking over your partner, not being willing to step in the other’s shoes and help in being more empathetic and reasonable. Couples that can communicate effectively might very well save their marriages and walk out of the session with their relationship stronger than ever.
Why Should I Get Counseling?
Not everything can be solved with counseling. But you’d be surprised at how common some problems are and how simple bad habits and blind spots can lead to big problems.
A couple’s therapy session can address problems such as the following:
- Infidelity
- Anger management
- Sexual difficulties
- Communication problems
- Conflicts on child-rearing
Counseling can also help partners prevent, if not completely avoid domestic abuse problems by bringing red flags to your attention as soon as possible. Or by even guiding those with abusive tendencies to get help and become better people in the process.
What Happens In Couple’s Therapy?
You Find New Ways Of Supporting Each Other
It’s important for relationships to be mutually supportive and nurturing. It can take effort to foster a positive environment where you and your partner can understand each other’s goals and dreams and help realize them. A counselor can help you create that environment.
You Improve Your Love Language
Each person has their own love language, but not everyone realizes this. Couples with mismatched affection styles are going to end up confused and hurt without understanding what happened. A counselor can guide both partners to understand their love languages better. Or even assign “homework” such as dates and outings to rekindle the spontaneous fun when both partners are at a loss on what to do.
You Learn Conflict Management Skills
It’s important to know how to de-escalate a situation before someone says something they’re going to regret in a moment of stupidity and ruin an otherwise great marriage. Bad habits from our childhoods or previous relationships can carry over into our current relationships and ruin our chances at happiness.
Find The Root Causes Of Problems
Sometimes, we can’t get the right words out because of fear, embarrassment, or deeper emotional issues that hold us down. Many red flag problems go unspoken and unresolved as a result. Finding the root cause of a problem in a relationship can potentially save you heartbreak in the long run or even mend relationships. Everyone has a past, and the past can influence how we act in the present. A counselor can help you move past traumas and start relationships anew. Sometimes, marriages don’t work out. You might have children from a different marriage but still need everyone to get along. In instances like this, Kaiser Insurance can offer group communication workshops to help strengthen your family. Our facilities in Denver are open Monday through Friday, 7:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. for appointments. Click the link to find Kaiser marriage Therapist in the Denver area https://www.westsidebehavioralcare.com/therapist/specialty/marriage-therapy-couples-counseling/
When to Seek Couples Counseling
Marriage is often depicted as a dreamy affair, but real life is quick to help couples realize that marriage is not as rosy as it is made out to be. Marriage is hard work. Fights and disagreements are normal between any couple. However, you need to differentiate between regular disagreements and serious problems in your relationship. It is best to go for couples therapy if your marriage is facing major issues. Most therapists accept insurance plans from various companies. Kaiser insurance provides coverage for various types of physical as well as mental health problems. But the question remains: at what point should you approach a therapist? There’s not a “right” answer, but you should consider going to therapy under the following circumstances.
Breakdown in communication
You and your spouse do not talk to each other for several consecutive days. If you talk, it results in shouting and arguing. This situation can make the atmosphere in your house very suffocating and one of you will walk out sooner or later. Such situations are also breeding grounds for resentment. Couples therapy can help you to tide over such situations.
There is no intimacy in your relationship
Lack of intimacy can be physical, emotional or both. You and your spouse are maintaining a distance from each other. You don’t interfere or talk about each other’s lives. If this sounds like your relationship, it is likely time to seek help.
You are repeatedly fighting over the same issues
There will always be big and small issues between couples. Some issues can be solved, while others will keep reoccurring. You will need couples therapy to resolve issues that can be solved and address issues that reoccur.
Household finances are not transparent
If one spouse controls the finances and keeps the other spouse in the dark, then there can be trouble in the relationship. Financial infidelity can also play out as concealing your purchases, loans and bank accounts from your spouse. This corrodes the trust in the relationship.
You or your spouse had an affair
This is a violation of trust, which is difficult to rectify. Emotional or sexual breakdown in the marriage often allows a third person to enter the relationship. If the offended spouse is willing to forgive their partner, then couples therapy can help try to save the relationship.
You are no longer a team
Husband and wife having conflicting views is normal. But if you cannot agree on any topic, then there is trouble. If both the partners blame each other for every single mistake, then it is clear that your relationship is unhealthy.
What can you expect from couples therapy?
Identifying your exact problems
Every relationship is different and the problems faced by the couples are unique. The therapist will allow you to pinpoint the exact cause of your problems. He or she will give you a patient ear and a peaceful atmosphere to discuss your problems. Often the cause of your bitter fights may be some underlying unresolved issues. Couples therapy often brings those issues to the fore.
Targets and timing
Each couple has different expectations from couples counseling. Some want to resolve conflicts, while others want to rekindle their passion. Couples therapy may even reaffirm your doubts that your relationship is beyond repair. There are couples who go into therapy to end their relationship positively without holding onto anger and resentment. Your therapist will help you to pinpoint your objective and fix a timeframe for reaching that objective.
Improved communication
Some people are bad listeners. This often results in miscommunication. Some people have anger management issues. This can precipitate fights. At other times couples fail to communicate their intentions properly, resulting in misunderstandings. Couples therapy gives couples a safe environment to communicate with each other. The therapist prevents them from repeating harmful communication patterns. A good therapist will also allow the couples to identify negative communication patterns and rectify them. Gradually, the couples learn to improve their listening skills and recognize their partner’s needs and emotions. They learn to communicate more clearly, which solves a lot of problems.
Develop skills to enhance relationship quality
Couples therapy teaches couples skills like stress management, selflessness, patience and forgiveness. The couples are also taught to resolve conflicts quickly so that there is no resentment. They are encouraged to support their partner’s desires and aspirations. Couples are also given tasks like date nights to improve communication and bring joy into the relationship. Their past is explored briefly to understand their childhood experiences or emotional baggage, which bring negativity into their present relationship. The couples are taught anger management techniques that help them calm down. T
hey are guided to avoid tactless and hurtful arguments. It is important to find a Kaiser therapist whom both of you can trust. In-network facilities approved by Kaiser insurance will help reduce your financial burden significantly. You can choose therapists who accept your insurance plan to ease your financial strain. Kaiser insurance contributes to reducing stress in your relationship by providing plans which take care of your health requirements. Every marriage is different and has to be perceived as such. There is no “right” time to go in for marriage counseling. Every case is deemed as individualistic and married couples may opt for counseling at any point in their marriage. This may be at a time when there is an issue that is currently prevalent. Couples could also feel the need to see a marriage counselor to avoid future problems.
Why marriage counseling?
Every relationship, be it a marriage or otherwise, goes through ups and downs. Issues and problems are as common as day and night. Many of these begin as something inconsequential and build up to something more serious. At any rate, several of these issues can be sorted out through marital therapy. It’s far from easy to maintain a relationship. Anyone that’s been in one knows how much love, patience, consideration and empathy has to be invested. Marriage counseling creates a secure place for couples to convey their thoughts. They can do this without the fear of judgment. The marriage counselor is an unbiased mediator, objectively seeing things from different points of view. Several couples have been encouraged, through the counseling process, to compromise. As a result, both sides reach a common ground to eliminate stress that is bearing down on the relationship. A licensed marriage counselor can make resources and tools available to couples that are not experiencing serious problems too. The aim of marriage counseling is to see that couples reach healthy relationship goals and maintain them.
Signs and signals for couples to seek counseling
The reasons for which couples seek counseling are limitless. Nonetheless, at times, there isn’t a reason at all. Sometimes, reasons are insignificant to warrant the intervention of marriage counseling. Going to counseling sessions doesn’t mean that couples have adverse issues to address. Partners may make a positive choice, together, to go into counseling as a way to keep their marriage happy.
Nevertheless, there are some sure-fire reasons to go into marriage counseling with your significant other. Here are some of the more customary ones:
- Cheating – When one of the partners in a marriage commits adultery, it causes a rift of mistrust. Sometimes both may have been unfaithful. Infidelity doesn’t always translate into the end of a relationship. If problems can be worked through, couples may discover that their relationship is stronger than it was earlier.
- Pregnancy – A pregnancy and subsequent birth of a child can be a cause for great stress in a relationship. Strain and fatigue can lead to not contributing enough to the relationship. Partners may become distant. Marriage counseling may be the answer to problems such as these.
- Lack of intimacy and/or communication – Marriages often experience a period of lack of intimacy and sex. Perhaps, it is one partner that is experiencing this. Many reasons account for this, not least, a sudden spurt in work. Such periods aren’t lasting and counseling can reveal the reasons. Maybe, there is a lack of communication, or the quantity is there without the quality. It’s important to note that it’s not how much you communicate, but what you convey. More often than not, conversations travel along frivolous paths, leaving the relevant stuff out.
- Emotional Disorders – If either of the partners has a mental illness, such as major depression, it can put a lot of strain on a relationship. This may be a symptom of a significant underlying circumstance, such as unemployment. The cause may not be discovered until a counselor steps in. Further, steps to deal with problems can be worked on through marriage counseling
- Major Life Changes – Whether life changes are positive or negative, a period of adjustment and coping must follow. This may result in stress that neither of the partners expected or can handle appropriately. The life change may be a move to a new residence, a new marriage, or a change in finances.
Looking Ahead with Marriage Therapy
Marriage counseling is a reasonable way ahead when both partners feel that their marriage is being impacted negatively. Both partners must mutually detect that issues need addressing. Moreover, they should want to keep the relationship intact. With these initial thoughts in mind, the outcomes are more prone to be positive. A marriage counselor exists to resolve issues in a relationship. Either one or both partners may have decided on going into marital therapy. Nonetheless, it is not unusual for one or both to be uneasy or apprehensive at first. In the first session of marriage counseling, it is important to explain why you have sought help. The counselor needs to know your motives are in the right place before actual treatment starts. Like all therapies, marriage counseling can help many couples smooth over rough patches in their lives. In choosing a counselor, it’s noteworthy that he or she should have reputable credentials and certification. Clients may want recommendations to ensure that they are in good hands and things will progress smoothly. It is easy to find and schedule an appointment with one of our Kaiser marriage counselors in Denver and nearby areas.
How Does Couples Counseling Differ From Individual Counseling?
The choice to seek individual therapy is a significant moment in a person’s life. When someone decides to see a therapist, it is often a reaction to troubling thoughts and behaviors (such as anxiety/depression), a recent trauma/life event or other ongoing issues that make it difficult to cope. For couples, the decision to see a relationship counselor can sometimes feel even more challenging – aside from the therapeutic work itself, differing schedules, commitments and experiences have to be considered. It’s important to remember, however, that marriage or couples counseling does not have to be treated as a last resort. In fact, couple’s therapy can work to improve a relationship in many different ways. For example, it can be beneficial at the onset or within an engagement period (known as premarital counseling) as a way to learn effective communication strategies with your partner, or perhaps to determine true compatibility before a lengthy or binding commitment is made. Counseling can also strengthen the emotional bond of a couple who’s been together for many years by simply having a time set aside each week to open up and learn more about each other. Additionally, some couples may decide over the course of therapy that it’s best to split temporarily or to stay apart. In this case, a therapist can be a helpful resource for achieving an amicable separation. If you have children, therapy can also serve as a safe space to discuss custody plans and successful co-parenting.
How do I know when it’s right to consider therapy for us?
Conflicts arise in every relationship, but some are known to be more detrimental than others. If you are currently or have experienced one of the following issues with your significant other, it may be a good idea to discuss the idea of counseling:
- Communication issues (constantly arguing, inability or unwillingness to open up, ineffective expression)
- Infidelity (emotional, physical or considering an affair)
- Differing stances on childrearing
- Sexual dissatisfaction or change in sex life
- Financial responsibilities (debt, major changes in income, unemployment, spending habits)
- Individual or shared substance abuse
- Death of a loved one
If you and your partner are considering marriage therapy or couples counseling, there are many licensed Kaiser therapists in the Denver area with this specialization. You can easily schedule an appointment with one of our Kaiser therapists who specialize in couples counseling.